Relax & Enjoy Life

trace your eyes, and nose and mouth.
with my index finger.
to index your familiar freckles. and maybe some stubble.
photograph your biggest smiles.
that shoot right to your eyes.
with imaginary camera clicks stationed inside of mine.
route your legs over and under.
beautifully entertwined.
the colder the sheets the more tangled they get.
cup your chin, and bring it close
so i can smell your face.
a scratch-and-sniff sticker
that never loses it's sniff.
and i can taste you on my lips.
as i drink you in.
intestines routed straight to my heart.
activate storage device:
set above aside for memories.
just incase.
always.
doesn't keep it's end of the bargain.

and i swear this isn't a "selfs-worth" sort of deal.
i.e the need for you to tell me i'm beautiful to believe it's true.
don't get me wrong, it's comforting to know you think so.
but it's not why i keep you around.
this is not for show-and-tell.
because the cutest things you say and do are tucked into a pocket in my heart for consumer use only.
i'm not selfishly asking you to stay forever, as to not grow old alone.
because i could if i had to.
the truth is i like spending time with you because you're you and i'm me.
you don't complete me, you fulfill me.
with contentment at it's greatest.
which is why this side of my album (life) is unscathed.
why i know (unlike many whom surround me)
that this whole love thing can work.
this record isn't skipping.
my heart is.
to a beautiful tune that your eyes sing to mine.
so let's not get wrapped up in the "i need you" shit.
let's just wrap ourselves in warm blankets of "i'd-love-to-keep-you-company"

a lot
i mean A LOT
of people confide in me on a regular basis.
i think that's pretty neat.
i hold tons of secrets! :)

am i easy to talk to?

there's a lot to be said about what can be said to say.
and the words dance across my tongue all day
long.
so i open my mouth for it to come out.
but everytime i do, it gets dry.
and the muscle, that is hardly attached, complains it wants back inside. to the moist environment it clearly enjoys.
so i pull it back in.
the only time it truly wants out, is when it can flee to safe keeping
inside your mouth.
then all the words go away anyways :)


in laymen's terms:
whenever the boyf is gone, I feel like I have so much to say to him. Let him know how much I care, how scared I am yada yada yada. Lot's of anxiety. I go to open my mouth when we're on the phone, or whatev, and nothing I want to say comes out.

Then when he's around, I remember that words are completely over-rated, especially when it comes to us. Actions speak louder than words. A-duh. And I'll tell ya what, I've never been so content with another individual (in a love relationship kind of way) than I am with him. He doesn't need to say anything, he just smiles at me and I know that everything is going to work out. Be okay, if you will. No one could have predicted something so beautiful. Rare. <3

Autumn hasn't felt this good in a long time.
It's gorgeous out and I want all those shiny pretty leaves to stay this way. But everything changes. And it's not so bad because the seasons are the way they are just so you can enjoy them even more when they return. Right? I think so. I think that's why we have four seasons. God knew what he was doing dude.

Skydiving was amazing! Nick absolutely loved it.
We kissed on the plane right before we jumped it was pretty much the cutest thing ev :P
It's more fun going second i must admit! I watched nick jump out of a fuggin airplane 10,000 feet in the air. and then got up to the door and said "oh fuck!" and then me and my instructor jumped. FUCKING CRAZY!!! LIBERATING!! Seriously everyone needs to try it out. FREAL.

After you free fall, which is obv the best part! The shute opens and your peacefully floating through the air about 9,000 feet up. You can see EVERYTHING. and those autumn leaves, oh man. couldn't have been better.

so that was my friday. then friday night nick and i went to the bar and spent all of our money on the jukebox and sang and dance and laughed with eachother. the uje.

Saturday morning we went tailgating for the michigan vs. toledo game. After tailgating we didn't have tickets to the game so we walked to a gangster bowling alley and sat in the bar area with a bunch of folk and drank beer like men and ate pizza. We made a bunch of new friends!!
Then we napped for a bit and then went to toledo to visit his family and friends at the bars down there. i love his family. they are the nicest ever. again i cried on my way home because it's literally like coming down from a high. just sooo happy and then soooo sad taht it could all just end. ahhh i suer hope it's not anytime soon!!!

i'm at work jerk.
next two sundays in switch of a friday off.
a friday that doran will be home duh!
It's his birthday 10/21 so this coming weekend that he's home I am taking him on a surprise excursion. he has no idea! i'm pumped.
i like doing surprise things for people.

p.s the excursion is skydiving. don't tell :P 1pm friday :)

i needa get organzied blah.
i'm probably the most dis-organized person ever!
i'll fig it out.
but i'm not too worried about it, maybe thats why i is the way i is yo. shoot.

Everything is really beautiful when you're happy.
The rain, the sun, stinks, falling down, getting up, laughing, crying..
everything.

I'm really happy.
I'm at a great spot in my life and I hope things only get better.
I have an amazing family who continues to support me through everything I choose to do. And I have amazing friends new and old who continually show their worth time and time and again by always being there for me.

Let's update the l/j world...

I'm still currently working at the Eastern Echo newspaper where I continue to try new designs and such for the ads I create. I am finally in the graphic design program at Eastern and love it!!! I've already improved as a designer so much and we're only on the third week! I continue to write to myself and on facebook as much as possible because I really do enjoy it. I recently wrote an article in the homecoming tab at Eastern and got some pretty great feedback. I'll post that as soon as I can access it.

I've just updated my resume in hopes of landing myself a sweet internship this summer. Maybe at a magazine in NY? We shall see if I go through with it ;) I get a little lazy sometimes, but I hope that I don't!!!

I'm also thinking about studying abroad for a short three weeks in England with the Graphic Design program, but that is another thing that is still up in the air!

My sister on the other hand, the very ambitious one, with many goals, is going to study abroad in Spain for this upcoming semester!!! A whole semester in Spain!!! That lady continues to impress me with her motivation. She is also so outgoing and meets so many new people, which in turn networks back to me! Good gig right? I'm really excited for her, but a little nervous as well. I love that she enjoys being single and accomplishes her goals independantly!

Don't get me wrong I feel like I accomplish mine as well, but I'm really into the whole boyfriend thing, I always have been. So it would be very hard for me to study abroad and leave someone behind.

My brother will be graduating from Central this semester and have a degree in IT. He's sooo smart and amazing. He will probably land a really great job and then I can camp out in his basement as a starving artist haha :P

My faja and maja continue to run the house with the doggies and I visit them a lot, usually to steal food. I am so impressed at how they continue to devote a lot of their energy to work, it's a tough economy, but they always have a positive attitude that I hope I will have when I'm their age. And the support those two show is redic! and amazing. They tailgate with me, my brother, and my sister as much as they can!!! Their the real deal. Central, Iowa, and Eastern fans. Gotta love em' for it.

All of my friends are continuing college as well, and we actually live around the block from one another so it's great. Good ol' ypsi.

I have a boyfriend!!!
It's been two years since I've felt this way about someone. And let me tell you, it feels amazing!!!! This lucky feller and I have way too much fun. He's a construction major and should be graduating soon. He took the summer and this semester off to take a construction job that he travels with!!! He's been all over the U.S these past months and will be tackling Bermuda the end of october!! That lucky beast. The distance is hard, but we are text fiends and I get to vaca and visit him every once in awhile. It's amazing how well we get along and how much fun we have when we're together. I keep getting very afraid of the end, because I feel as if all great things must end. But then I tell myself to calm down and realize that even if it does, it has been a great experience and I'm sooo into him that just living in the now is worth the end if that makes sense?


Okay that was a lot to take in all in one sitting. I don't even know if people still read this old thing anymore?

I've been writing in this livejournal since 10th grade!!! It's been 5 years now! Whoa. I've changed a lot.

Just wanted to rant. Goodnight all. Show love to everyone you know and it'll truly make you a happier person. :)

everytime i leave toledo i cry.
i cry because i have soo much fun and i'm so afraid it will end.
can't things just stay this way forever?

it's like the mist is what's pretty yakno?
all gold and siver.
too bad it can't stay like that all the time.
nothing gold can stay.

it's crazy to think that breakups can be just around the corner!
you meet someone, fall in love, break up, and forget who that person is.

but mom said the memories are still there and will be there forever.
truth.
i guess i'll just add them to the collection.

like every good story there must be an end, it's the only way we can relive this again.

although, this is only the beginning...right?

I'm not all high-strung spazz mode at all.
Member when I was?
I'm totally calm.
He didn't know I was a spazz, cuz he was all like "wham i'm gonna be your medicine baby, in the form of chappelle quotes"
just before I asked mom for anxiety pills.
He probably doesn't even notice that I'm not even worried about the time or the phone or MY FACEBOOK! gasp.
Yeah, the notifactions are less and less, but I'm totally cool with it.
Because uhm like..my brain is too busy rolling over every detail.
I feel like i'm watching a really great movie-trailer with the best parts of the film all cut up and sliced together with the best song playing in the background.
and the best parts are still currently playing...
I'm like yo bro are there any bad parts!?
don't you dare end movie.
He's like hey I'm Harrison, nice to meet you.
At least five times a day.
And i just smile so much. and giggle a whole lot.
I think its fucking rad that his eyes aren't brown.
At all!
even though I thought they were in the beginning.
I think they transformed one night when I stared at them long enough.
Oh and remember when I wanted to start a kissing booth in the middle of every inch of land? I'm totally doing it. But I only want one customer.
Don't you dare fucking end film.
This is the sunny peaceful sunday morning w/o a/c just an open window, a cool breeze, and neighb dogs and kids fillin in the background noise.

Three wise men; jim, jack, and johnny once asked...
If Harrison jumped off a bridge would Gia?
He grabbed my hand before I responded and we jumped.
I've been free-falling through blue skies and a golden yellow haze ever since.


Background info?
I've met someone. Someone who has that one missing piece.
Remember those toys as a kid that taught one shapes? There was a hole, and you have to fit the circle shape in the cirle hole, and the square in the square hole. I feel like I've been jamming all sorts of pieces into the triangle hole...they all fell short, a corner missing. But I've finally found it! I found the triangle piece. Well rounded. Or shaped I suppose. It fits perfectly.

He's a riot.
If we're not at the batting cages or sleeping in, we're probably doing something outrageous.
Re-cap?
Camping, and canoe adventure nearly drowning. Climbing sand dunes well over 100 feet.
Jumping off of bridges into water that we spit into eachothers faces.
Nature peeing side by side.
A weekend in texas shooting pellet guns at make believe alligators.
Boating, jet-skiing, and bonging beer out of swim noodles.
Climbing trees, walls, and river dams.
Sometimes we don't have normal conversations, we just quote chapelle and laugh.
Taking shots of three wise men on the regular because we want hair on our chest.
Walking aimlessly every which way, no sense of direction, not a care in the world.
Tigers games, pistons games, concerts by the river.
Late night escapades and water breaks.

To be perfectly honest, I didn't think I could find another person to fill the space drew left.
I also never thought I'd meet anyone nearly as insane as I am, that could make me laugh and forget the hurt.
But he has me beat!! Every thing about him makes me smile in a school-girl way.
He rubs my back and touches my dirty feet.
He thinks my loud burps are sexy and can name any movie or song known to man.
He goes along with my crazy make-believe stories, and isn't afraid to make horse noises
or talk to animals.

The kids a character that I want inside of every story I have.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEEEE let this be real. It feels sooo right.

oh and p.s. we make up fake names.

Did you know, that the secret of life is to genuinely care and be happy for other people?
If you can feel the joy in other people when they are happy
(i.e. when someone receives a job promotion, falls in love, or just has a really great day)
If you can soak up their happiness, truly feel their joy, and be happy that they are happy, you yourself will be in good shape.

I'm not just talking about close friends and family either, I'm talking complete strangers.
Do you ever watch a child grinning from ear to ear because of a big red balloon?
Or watch them act flat out silly?
It makes you want to laugh and jump around with them.
You're smiling because they are, not because you too find the red balloon mesmerizing
(well maybe you do :P) Doesn't it make you feel great, and alive?

Did you also know there are people who cannot grasp this concept?
People who would rather watch someone crash and burn to feel better about themselves.
These are the people who spread rumors, who trash-talk, who would rather walk all over you than help you.
These people are not what I call "good-people". These people will never find true happiness.


After you read the first paragraph you may have thought, yeah that's easy...
Sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's a little more difficult to be happy for someone
(i.e. an ex-boyfriend who just found a new girlfriend, your co-worker getting a promotion over you)
But you HAVE to rise above.
Breathe in and out.
Accept the things you cannot change.
Be happy for those who are.
It is NEVER okay to purposely try and ruin their happiness, because it will ultimately make you miserable.

Please find it in you to be good-people.
I feel silly that I'm 20 years old and still have to deal with rumors.
So take a step back next time you hear that so-and-so did this.
First of all, is it any of your business if they did?
Second of all, by spreading the rumor are you being happy for another person?
Or are you trying to watch them crash and burn?

Happiness is in all of us.
Don't let it slip away.
Keep it close.
Be happy for other people.
Be good-people.
Do the RIGHT thing.
Treat others the way you would like to be treated.

I've gone skydiving, para sailing, I've eaten bugs, been canoing in a major thunderstorm, I'll try bungee jumping, white water rafting, rock-climbing...

so why am I so afraid to tell you, you're it?
You're fucking it.

I feel like crying a whole lot today when instead i should be on top of the world...
I don't wanna play this game anymore! I don't wanna wait.
I want you to get your cute butt over here, and tell me you'll pick me a thousand times over, and any other option would go unnoticed.

Instead I'll just skydive, and rock-climb, and bungee jump. Because it's far less scary than telling you how I feel. So please don't take forever to figure out that we'd be award-winning....

I will love again
Though my heart is breaking, I will
love again
Stronger than before
I will love again
Even if it takes a lifetime to get over you
Heaven only knows, I will love again


thanks to ratch for jamming this on the way to bre's lake house!

Guess who's back, back again, Joey's back!

I feel good, and above.
Family & Friends <3 weee.

grr.
what's wrong with me?
Alls i do is sit around and mope and feel sorry for myself because i want a boyfriend and don't have one.
awful.
i dont even go out with my friends anymore, nor do i have any desire to do so.
what will help me get out of this rut?

The sun dances across my sheets, trying to wake all that lay inside.
Through a sleepy unconscious, I can hear a quiet complaint roll across your tongue, and escape from your lips.
Lips that I roll over to kiss, until I gain consciousness and realize, after being awoken by the sun exploding through blinds lacking curtains, that my bed is lacking an extra pair of lips.

July 15th cannot come soon enough, I can't sleep in this room any longer.

but the lows are so extreme, that the good seems fuckin cheap,
and teases you for weeks at it's absence.

seriously, if it's not making you happy...there's no point.
life is too short.
death is inevitable.
so while i'm here on earth i think i'll choose to cry less and smile more.
a lot.
sometimes you just need to throw out the bad so there is more room for the good.

shpendi told me not to pretend that things are brighter than they are.
there's black and there's white.
i need to stop livin in the gray.
infact, i'd like to splash some color in that concept.
so i'm done pretending, and walking around in a haze.
change is scary, but it must occur to enhance life quality.

Haven't wrote in here awhile! So let's update! Currently...

Work: I still work at the echo, doing ad design. It's going great! I enjoy it a lot especially since it will be what I do for the rest of my life, graphic design stuffff.
few ads I'm proud of:






I also work at United Road still, doing sales, MWF where I make all my loot. Kara and Bre both work with me too, so it's always way too much fun, and harldy feels like work!

School: Just registered for Fall 08 classes, I only have 5 more general ed classes and then I can concentrate on my major! YAY! Also finally registered for my first actual graphic design class, intro to GD so I will start that in the fall.

Family: Everyone is doing superb, going to visit alex in a week for my birthday in crazy iowa city!

Friends: Love em' to death, just got back from spring break with em' and it was nothing short of amazing as per usual. We're still doing great in our ghetto home in ypsi! Lot's of love! We're currently house hunting for next fall, living on campus again, because let's face it, ypsi may be ghetto, but it's where the heart is! :)

Romance: I have a boyfriend! Weird I know, don't want to speak too soon or anything, but I couldn't be happier with him. Finally!


Well thats a short update for ya'll I know I don't get to talk to my old friends as much as I want to with school and work taking up most of my time, my weekends are spent sexually caressing my roommates and smoochin the newest attraction.

But i'll try not to be a stranger!

I hope everyone else is doing well too! all my love! xo

And if I say it's beautiful..
than it is.
who's to say too quick too soon?
If i know what I feel then let me be the judge.
I mean, let's face it.
there are no rules.
no guidelines.
when it comes to love.

the finish line is nowhere in sight
a hard days work turns quick into night
ur the catch of the week that i never caught
and i'm far too considerate to the feelings you're not

your eyes explain so much to me
i'd rather disreguard all that i see
this running is cramping my side
not to mention it's denting my pride

my shoes are already torn
i've ran this race before
i know the route, but i'm always last
far too many hauntings from the past

and i say
i'm lookin for something real
but i'm too tired to touch, and too numb to feel
the moment i try to drop out of the race
i catch a glimpse of armor
it's my saving grace!

he said "hey! there's no time to waste!
we need to help each other finish this race
be it by boat by car by piggy back ride
if you get lost, i'll be your guide

we can take all the short cuts just follow me
intertwine your hand with mine and you'll see
that i promise to save you if you promise me this
keep running, continue, exist.

i'll pick you up if you fall down
i know you're scared, but i'm always around
exhale, inhale, keep ahold of my hand
honest, this was always the plan"

and i say
i'm lookin for something real
you picked me up when i was too numb to feel
we're both winners in this race
you're kind of fuckin great
my saving grace!